These Games We Play
by Megaera80
Summary: These are my fics in answer to a challenge on LJ called These Games We Play, in which River and Jayne play games together. Am rating it M, but the ratings will vary from fic to fic.
1. Scrabble

"Gorram is unacceptable," she said pointing to the board.

"My muscular buttocks it ain't," Jayne replied, lining his tiles up with the edges of the squares.

"Remove them," River said "It is not a recognized word."

"Now, River-girl, I let you keep _that_ one."

River shook her head.

"Analgesic is a recognized word. I explained to you what it means."

"Well I think you were makin' it up. It just sounds dirty."

Jayne paused, a smirk on his face.

"Say it again," he said.

River sighed.

"Say it!"

"Analgesic."

Jayne smiled triumphantly.

"You kiss your mama with that mouth?" he asked.

River stuck her tongue out and looked at the board.

"You are stalling. She thinks you don't have a leg to stand on."

"I got legs," he said "Two of 'em. Three if'n ya count-"

"Play!" she commanded imperiously.

Jayne made a face and placed two tiles on the board.

"There," he said "Ram."

"Ram is acceptable," she said "But you scored lower than her. Pants."

Jayne looked down at himself. No socks, no boots, no shirt. He grabbed the button on his pants and looked around the common room.

"Aw, _bao bei_," he said "C'mon."

"Pants," she said, holding out her hand. "You agreed to learn the game by her rules on the terms that you could add one of your own. This is _your_ rule, not hers."

Jayne grunted, unbuttoned his pants, and threw them at River. She took a moment to fold them and place them next to her. Jayne pulled his orange hat down lower on his head.

"You ain't gettin' my hat," he said petulantly.

She smiled.

"She has all of your clothes and you have none of hers. Probability dictates she _will_ get your hat."

"Place your tiles, little one, or I'll—"

"Gorramit, Jayne!"

Both River and Jayne turned to see Mal standing in the entryway, his eyes covered by his hands.

"Put some ruttin' clothes on. Now!"

"But Cap'n, we're playin-"

"I don't give a good gorram what yer playin'! Clothes! Now!"

Jayne took the bag of tiles from the floor and dumped them on the ground. He sorted through them until he had what he wanted and he placed the six tiles on the board. They spelled

MYBUNK

River looked at them for a moment and then looked back at him.

"It is not technically a word," she said "But it is acceptable."

With that she stood up and, ignoring Jayne's protests took his pants and headed for his bunk.


	2. Monopoly

River sat at the mess table pouting, while Mal and Simon looked on. When no one spoke for long minutes, Mal gave up and jumped in.

"Lil' Albatross," he said "You mind telling me and your brother exactly _why_ Jayne ain't talkin' to you?"

Simon rubbed a bruised cheek.

"And," Simon said "Why he's being more ape-like than normal?"

River shook her head.

"Somethin' happened," Mal said "Something 'tween you two and I want to know what it is. If it affects the rest of my crew it's _my_ business."

River gave him a dirty look, but conceded.

"I spaced his dog," she said.

Both men stared at her, mouths open in shock.

"You what?!" Mal yelled "You spaced his dog?! Wait….What ruttin' dog? There _is_ no dog."

River looked down at the table and rolled a small silver car back and forth over the surface.

"He insisted that cars could go to jail. She informed him that the concept was not logical. And she told him that he could have all the greens he liked, but four greens do _not_ make one red. The equation doesn't make sense. He called her moon-brain and took a red despite her explanations."

Simon dropped his hand from his cheek and smiled and Mal snorted. River glared at them as they tried, and failed, to reign in their amusement.

"Also," she said "His dog ran faster than my car."

"_Mei mei_," Simon said softly "You were bound to lose at _something_. Four houses make a hotel. He was right…. Never thought I'd say that."

"It is physiologically impossible," she protested "A dog like that isn't to be trusted."

Jayne poked his head around the corner of the door.

"Moon-brain!" he bellowed before pulling his head back around into the hallway.

River stood up and pointed at the door.

"Your dog is specious!" she yelled.

She sat back down in a huff and Mal lost his fight with the hilarity, laughing until tears streamed down his face.

"For a genius," he said, out of breath "You're an awful sore loser."

"The concepts are not mutually exclusive," she said between gritted teeth.

"When I was ten," Simon said to no one in particular "I beat her at Tall Card. Plums high. I won't tell you the places I found plums for the next week. I can't look at a plum now."

He shivered.


	3. Pictionary

"What the ruttin' hell is that?" Jayne exclaimed.

Wash put the cap on his marker and looked back at the board he had just been drawing on. He tilted his head to one side and then to the other.

"I thought it would have been obvious," he said "I mean, anyone could see it's a—"

"Wash," Zoe cut in "Dear….He's supposed to guess. That's the point of the game."

"Right you are," Wash said "Sorry, Jayne, Wifey says you have to guess."

"Is it a brick? Mal asked, squinting.

"A log?" Kaylee chimed in, out of turn.

"I have it," Simon said "A barrel!"

Wash shook his head three times.

"Perhaps you should clarify your drawing just a little more, son."

Wash's tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he examined the drawing and then, with quick precision, made three vertical wavy lines above his first drawing. When he turned around, everyone was staring at him, mouths slightly agape.

"What?" he asked.

"Squiggly lines," Simon said, a note of incredulity creeping into his voice "That's your clarification?"

"Is it a turd?" Jayne called out.

Wash nodded in Simon's direction and glared in Jayne's.

"It's a meatloaf," River said, voice thick with boredom.

Wash smiled widely.

"That's it!"

Jayne groaned.

"Cap'n," he said "I vote the little witch keeps score 'stead of the preacher. She keeps reading our gorram minds."

"Though I'm surprised I'm saying this," Inara said to Mal "I agree with Jayne. River's….abilities leave us all at a slight disadvantage."

"I'm not Reading," River interjected "I thought I knew it, but I wasn't resolved until he drew the heat lines. They were clarifying."

"See?" Wash said.

"Well," Inara said "Whose turn is it?"

"It's my ruttin' turn," Jayne said.

"This oughta be interesting," Mal whispered in Inara's ear.

Jayne checked the board, pulled a card, and then checked the board again to make sure the color actually corresponded with the word he had just read. A disturbing grin spread across his face.

"Interesting," Inara whispered back, "isn't a scary enough word when he smiles like that."

Jayne uncapped his marker and sniffed it while contemplating. Then, he took the board off the hook and sat down with it on his lap.

"I can't do this with the gorram lot of you watching me," he said.

He drew like a madman, quick and furious. After a few moments, he held his work away from himself and surveyed it. Satisfied, he hung the board back up and nodded for the preacher to turn over the timer. The commotion started when he stepped away from the board and the rest of the crew saw the drawing.

Mal yelled, Inara blushed, Kaylee giggled, Wash covered Zoe's eyes, Book looked like he was about to start preaching, Simon looked like he was about to go mad, and River just smiled.

After a minute of this, all the sand had run out of the hour glass and no one noticed but River.

"Peacock," she said primly.

Silence descended on the crew as they all turned to look at her.

"Lil' bit," Mal said slowly "How did you—"

River waved away the rest of his question.

"It's a fairly accurate representation," she said.

Jayne smiled at River while the rest just stared, processing. Eventually, Simon found his voice.

"Mei mei, how exactly is it you know what an 'accurate representation' is?"

"He showed me for good and all," River replied, sounding like it was the simplest thing in the world.

And then the commotion began anew.

Mal threatened, Inara blushed, Kaylee giggled, Wash covered his ears, Zoe stood by Mal and threatened in turn, Book was preaching about the Special Hell, and Simon had actually gone mad.

But none of this registered with Jayne, who was watching River.

She gave him a secret smile, the likes of which made his John Thomas all kinds of happy.

"Just him?" River asked.

"Thought you weren't Reading," he said, then added "Cheat."

River laughed then, throwing her head back, glowing with joy.

"Gorram if the airlock and the Special Hell ain't worth it for that right there," he thought.

River hiccupped on her laugh and stopped, eyeing him seriously.

He shrugged his shoulders like it was a small thing.

"It is," he said "Worth it."


End file.
